Sunday Sleeper

I let my daughter go to church in her pajamas….

To preface, my husband is a youth minister, so he has to be at church early to make sure everything is opened and turned on. Needless to say, my Sunday mornings are pretty hectic getting myself and my baby ready and out the door all by myself. You moms out there understand, I’m sure!

This particular Sunday, I had invited my parents and siblings over for lunch, so I’m trying to get a pot pie fixed and put into the oven. Per usual, Manna is upset because she wants to be held and cuddled. Then, the never-ending conflict of needing to do things but also just wanting to cuddle your baby all day makes its daily appearance.

I finally put the pot pie in the oven, feed Manna until she falls asleep for her morning nap, admire her sweet face for just a few more moments, and try to lay her down so I can take a quick shower. But when you’re really depending on things to go exactly as planned, that’s exactly when they don’t. So, of course, she wakes up as soon as I lay her in her crib.

At this point, I text my husband and said, “hey I might not make it to church, but I’m trying.” He says, “okay boo,” and for a moment, I just want to give up. I think to myself, it would just be easier to stay home today. I mean, I’ll probably just sit outside by myself with Manna anyways, so why bother?

Now, I only have 30 minutes to take a shower, get myself ready, get a fussy Manna ready, load everything into the truck, and drive there. Even still, I pray, “God, if you will help me get there, I’ll go.” I pray this prayer most every Sunday morning. I’m not trying to test God, but I am asking Him to help me because in my own strength, I can’t bring it all together to make it happen.

Still at home with just a few minutes left before the service starts, I’m ready to go, but Manna is still in her pajamas. I know I’m already going to be late, so I debate in my head for a second….do I take 10-15 extra minutes trying to track down a nice dress and two matching socks while putting up a fight to get it all on her without causing a meltdown, or do I just take her in her pajamas?

I finally make it to the parking lot, and the late crowd has already made their way inside. So now, the really late crowd is on the move, and today, I’m apart of it. I’ve got Manna on my hip while the diaper bag is jingling on my back. I find my way to the very front because that’s where you sit when you’re a minister’s wife. Walker smiles when he sees me.

I immediately whisper, “I made it.” Then I bring Walker’s attention to Manna’s outfit and shrugging, I say, “this is the best that I could do today.”

So yes, I brought her to church in her zip-up footie pajamas. To be completely fair though, she still looked adorable….

It was all that I could do to simply make an appearance at church that morning, and even though that appearance didn’t look all that put-together, I don’t think God was disappointed with me.

In other seasons of my life, I was the one who was at church before anyone else because I wanted to prepare my heart. I was the one who stayed long after the service ended to fellowship with others. I was the one that was involved in everything because I simply wanted to serve….

….But that’s not the season I’m in now.

It has been a difficult journey for me to figure out where I fit into the church body now that I’m not just me—I’m me and my baby, and our way of doing church in today’s culture isn’t always suitable for that.

Since becoming a mom, God has shown me that my role in serving Him looks so much different now. He’s not calling me to be who I used to be. He’s calling me to fulfill the role that I’m in now.

He’s calling me to raise my child in The Way, His way.

He’s calling me to seek Him in the lonely moments, in the chaotic moments, and all the moments in between.

He’s calling me to find where He’s working in this season of my life, and join Him there.

During Sunday morning service, I spend a lot of time in Walker’s office alone with Manna because she’s tired, hungry, or bored—all resulting in an uproar during a time that everything is supposed to be quiet. At first, I felt like I was missing out on everything, but my absence from the service doesn’t mean that I’m absent from God.

Time and time again, I have found myself meeting with God in unexpected ways….like during the quietness of feeding sessions, in the babbling of my baby during the preaching, in the isolation of Walker’s office during service, or in the decision to leave my daughter in her pajamas so that we can make it to church.

Thank you, Lord, for meeting me where I’m at so that I can meet with You!

”People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.' And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.“

‭‭Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭13‬-‭16‬ ‭