As I’ve been reflecting on this past year, who I’ve been, and what I’ve learned, my resolution is simply to be a better person in the eyes of God.
I want to be a better wife, one who loves unconditionally, who doesn’t hold a record of wrongs, trusting and believing in my husband.
I want to be a better mom, one who has patience and grace, whose peace doesn’t depend on any circumstance but is found in Jesus alone.
I want to be a better disciple, one who is deeply willing to lay down all to follow Jesus, who is a faithful servant, delighting in the Lord in every season.
The question I keep asking myself is this:
Is God satisfied with me?
It’s been 6 months since I’ve written anything. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, but since having my baby, I’ve had to learn how to be a mom all while still being myself. I’m still learning!
These past months have been the most fulfilling, yet challenging months I’ve ever walked through. I’ve had to learn how to take care of my baby while taking care of me too. It was hard to find time to eat or take a shower, much less write or reflect. I’ve learned so much, from practical things to spiritual revelations.
There’s the unexpected stress of not knowing how to do seemingly simple things….
What should I do with my baby while I load up the car? Do I just leave her inside the house?
What about if I have to use the bathroom when we’re out and about? Can a stroller fit in a bathroom stall?
What do I do if she’s asleep in her car seat when we get somewhere? Do I just wait in the car with her until she wakes up?
Then, there are much deeper issues at hand…..
Am I enough for my baby? What if I’m not a good parent for her?
Where do I fit into the church now that I’m taking care of my child? Why is it so hard to be involved when you become a mom?
How do I spend time alone with God now?
How can I be a present mom, wife, daughter, and friend all at the same time?
At times, I’ve been overwhelmed with the task of trying to figure it all out. But after 6 months, I think God just wants me to simply be obedient to Him in every moment, which has led me back here.
I think when I started blogging, I put a lot of pressure on myself to have these polished, well-written articles with hard hitting insight. I would go over them again and again until they were perfect, at least perfect in my mind, but maybe that’s not what God is asking of me. Now I realize that maybe God just wants me to faithful by writing, whether or not I think it’s worthy to post. He is much more concerned with my obedience than my skill, and He can take my fish and loaves and use it in greater ways than I ever could in my own strength.
So here we go, a new year, a new start, a new blog, and a renewed me….